Alucard vs Hitler
by PolarPhantom
Summary: BEHOLD! Love! Passion! PENGUINS!


Alucard came out of the hotel and was naked. Everyone looked at him and said "He's naked." They exploded And Ally said "Let there be light!" He got a flashlight and shone it in the face of cats. The cats blinked and said "Meow." Then he ate Edward Cullen and his fangirls quaflipyupled in size. Nyan Cat then threw the Space Sphere at him, but it hit Megatron instead. "Ow," said Megatron and he died. Thus the day was saved when Alucard enrolled at Hogwarts. He kicked Quirrel in the nuts, and he turned into a squirrel (Get it?). Zordon teleported him to the command centre where Al beat Alpha in Yu Gi Oh. This opened a portal causing a crossover between Devil May Cry and Bayonetta. Aluc wasn't interested so he had a threesome with Mary Jane, Lois Lane and Amy Pond. Thus, Alby was pleased, and he was born many children. They went on to protect TVtropes from Cthulhu in a boxing match because he was drunk. He learnt many kids had cancer, so he made little clones of himself to fight the cancer. He received 32 noble prizes in the same year, donating the money to the PolarPhantom foundation trust. PP said "Thanks" and Alv rode a Gundam riding a dinosaur getting shot of GokaiOh's chest to fight Lord Genome. After becoming Lord Genome's friend they decided it was time to gather their forces to end Hitler for good. Hitler's forces were strong, but Als had seduced a lot of people, thus they all fought for him. Batman threw a Batarang at Himmler and tied him up, The Doctor drove the Delorean over Goering and Kamina used Fourze's Drill Rider Kick to blow up Goebbels. Finally, they reached Hitty, who said "Eff you all!" beat all 67777984759-75357 of them with his gun. Al was like "Oh no" but then Jesus was like "Hey, I'll help". He let Al channel Chuck Norris, Mr T and Snake's powers into a single kick removing Hite's genitalia. It hurt him so much they were able to finish him by puncing him into Shao Kahn's tower while Sherlock Holmes threw a satellite at him. "This cannot be!" he shouted and then he blew up. A revival item would not bring him back, diagnosed Dr Bailly. But then he became a Black Lantern. "This is silly" thought Alp. But he disappeared because Venusaur used solarbeam on his knee while riding Harry's guitar from Hell and also I couldn't think of a way for them to beat him.

And so everyone was happy. But then out of the Hitler blood puddle was….TARA GALESBIE!

"Oh no it's you!" Says Alucard.

"yes, it's you fucking pozer!" she breathed fire on Alucard. Everyone was hurting. "So you were behind EVERYTHING?"

"Yeah, I t was totajly kawaii." It was over. She had won. She was about to drink their blood and put her thingie in their you-know-whats when-

"Not so fast," An eloquent voice sounded, echoed over the broken fortress of the Third Reich.

The army turned, and there stood a glorious sight. Shakespeare, Plato, Aristotle, Wittgenstein, Nietzsche, Austen, Hitchcock, Kubrick and all the great creative, philosophical men and women who have contributed so much in their small spans of existence.

"Tara, you have held tyranny for too long. It is time that we intervened." declared Bill.

"Yeah!" cried Plato.

"Gathered here are the greatest minds in human history!"

Nietzsche snorted, looking at Plato and Aristotle.

"Oh, give it a rest Fried!" requested Nolan.

Nietzsche looked guilty and sullen. He stroked his moustache.

"It's time, Galesbie," Declared Aristotle, "For you to pay for all of your countless crimes!"

"FUCKING PREPPY REJECTS!1flmers you die"

"Everyone, combine your powers!" ordered Shakespeare.

And thus, a wizard lightning battle began. The combined beams of the scholars were strong, but the sheer malevolence of Tara was so overwhelming, they struggled simply to stand their ground.

"Don't… Give… UP!"

Tara's beam moved further down the battlefield, a raven darkness wanting to swallow all things, to assimilate. To feast.

"It's not working!"

Al, looked. "I should help ."he said.

And thus All hallows eve joined the beam battle, lending his strength as a beam of light.

"Doesn matt hoe mami preps and pozerc u hav, ILL KILL YOU AlL!"

All is lost. All is lost. All is lost. No NO!

Optimus Prime came, bringing up the rear, launching everything he had, Kamina Used every double limit and memory break he could, Ameterasu conjured every brush technique under the sun, Batman threw a Batarang because he's Batman, Kanzen GokaiOh was formed and it unleashed every single Greater Power, Captain Falcon threw his greatest Falcon Punch, every pony shone their horns, every Carebear stared, every soldier from every war film ever fired all their ammunition, Zoolander performed his new look, Luke used the Force, Macduff charged, Churchill smoked, Mr. Popo released his tentacles, every deity that doesn't come off as a douche used the energy gathered from their prayers, every Digimon Mega-digivolved, aid came to Gondor, The Black Knight got a flesh wound, every Yu-Gi-Oh monster fired its laser (even the ones that don't have one), every Wizard and Witch cast "_expeliarmus!"_, the Delorean reached 88MPH, an apple fell on every scientist's head, Bill and Ted crashed their phonebooth, Channel Awesome reviewed Tara, the AVGN said his new swear at her, Snake used stinger missiles, every Pokemon got a critical, super effective hit, an LPer beat "I wanna be the Guy", Norio Wakamoto was Norio Wakamoto, the AT Field was activated, Godzilla was ridden by Austin and breathed his attacking breath, Van Gogh was retroactively recognised, Mozart did some cool music, Grant Morrison was bald, Norio Wakamoto was Norio Wakamoto, Ico awoke, Limit Breaks were performed by every RPG protagonist, especially those that do not have them because they should, Manhattan rose his Martian palace, Megaman Legends 3 was released, Twilight was made good, Sean Connery said "Miss Moneypenny", Indy found El Goddamn Delrado, Leonard found out who John G, Nick Cage found out how it got burnt, a child was born and all of the other legions of not being evil (maybe) unleashed their full righteous fury. The beam of light pushed forward, Tara's vapid face expressed _something_ that may have been fear. She screamed:

"NOOOO PREPS POSERS PREPS POSERS PREPS POSERS PREPS POSERS PREPS POSERS PREPS POSERS PREPS POSERS PREPS POSERS" The beam reached her. "ARRRGHHHHH! THiS CUNT BE HAPPENING!" The light lifted her up, blasting her up threw the atmosphere, pushing her to the farthest reaches of the universe. "YOU MASTICATORS!" She exploded, with such force, a portal appeared, one which led nowhere and came from nowhere. Every last piece of her was sucked in, the portal collapsed upon its own emptiness. Victory.

A great, tumultuous rejoicing resounded across the globe, that little planet called Earth. "It is done." Sighed Shakespeare. "It is time for us to return."

"Will we ever meet you again, oh great ones?" Asked Alucard.

"We are always closer than you think." And with that, the cavalry faded.

Alucard gave a slight smile, and turned. "Everyone," he began, "We have fought long and hard for our preservation, and we have won. It is time for us all to return to our own realms, where we are most needed. It was an honour and a privilege to fight alongside you all." And thus, all of those gathered within the battlefield bid their farewells. Some were friends, others friendly rivals, and yet some were even lovers, but they were, each and every one of them, true companions. Alucard turned into a bat, and he flew away to return to his slumber, which was desperately needed.

I have written this story using the funds donated to me by Alucard, for their story, our story, needed to be told. It is done. Victory is ours, and Tara holds no sway over anyone anymore.

Victory.

_**In loving memory of all tropers everywhere.**_


End file.
